Category: Books

This is the second of two posts taken from the Second Book of LSE, aka LSE2. This is a continuation of LSE1, or The First Book of LSE.

Maybe enjoy? 🙂

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Robert A. Smith and Franklin Yukon recently asked if they could use my home to film a new video for the song “Three Party,” which is from their new untitled album.

I was initially taken aback, but I knew this could be amazing once I had accepted my feelings.

I was standing in my Kitchen when the boys arrived, my Ring camera indicating as such. I just knew this would be another one of those spectacular days.

I opened the door and saw those five guys. Robert A Smith, Marvalious, Arturius, and Megaton Turner. Oh, and my brother-in-law, Franklin Yukon, manages the band.

“Gents, welcome to my home. You’ve been here before, and I appreciate that you are selecting my place for your new song.”

Robert notes, “Michael, this is where it all starts. This is where everything starts. And as you know what I’m going to say, if not for you, none of this exists.”

“Yes, Robert, I am so thankful that y’all have become who you are, and realize what I saw many years ago.”

I turn to Franklin, “What do you need for me to set up or arrange, or however can I help?”

Franklin tells me, “Michael, we need to ensure the gatos, Tibor, and Sakura, are put away, and safe. That’s non-negotiable, and we will not start until then.”

“Yes, Franklin, I have already put them in a safe place. They are in my bedroom.”

“Family, let’s not take all day, because the last thing I need is one of them to… Expel themselves in my bedroom or bathroom.”And I laugh like a supervillain.

The boys leave and come back in with their amps. This is a no bullshit setup where, oh, we’re going to play, fakery, and lip-synch, but…

No, LSE is bigger and better than that. They were the “one-take masters”, and I knew this would be too.

“Gents, where did you have things set up in mind?”

Robert says, “Michael, Megaton will be out in the living room, Marvalious will be in one hallway with three corners, and Arturius will be in another hallway with three corners.”

I think to myself about how weird the house is set up. The Kitchen is in the middle, and you can walk around and circle it. Sometimes, it feels surreal.

“I will be in your office. I have always loved your office and space, Michael, and it is just so… You.”

“Thank you, Robert. That is a wonderful compliment. I set it up thinking about y’all with the turntable, and the old school equipment … It’s just so…” And a trail off, my mind having gone blank on me.

“Hey, Michael, are you here with me?”

“Mumble, mumble, mumble, what?”

In the back of my mind, I hear, “Please come back to me, Michael.”

I snap back up, stating, “I’m sorry for any disrespect, and please forgive me for that. I had one of those skips again.”

I take a deep breath and say, “All right, gents. Sorry about that one. Now, where can I be and be out of the way while also enjoying this experience?”

Franklin comments while laughing hard, “Michael PUNIS RUSSI, just leave.” Franklin continues to laugh hard.

“Franklin, that’s a good one, one of your best.”

“Michael, just hang with me, and it will be out of the way, except I will be filming all of this. Is that OK, Michael?

“Yes, Franklin, that’s fine. I figured as much, given how much I know the band. I’ve been looking forward to this for some time now.”

Franklin adds, “Michael, thank you for allowing the boys and me to film this video in your home. It means a lot to me, and I know it means the world to the boys, each of them in their own right.”

“Franklin, you are welcome, and it is my pleasure. I know…” And I trailed off again.

“When Robert asked me about this, I knew that it was something that I could not say no to. It was just so…”

“Besides that, Franklin, what can I do for the boys to ensure this goes smoothly and falls within their one-take policy?” And I laughed.

“Michael, just stay with me and everything will be fine.”

“Oh, they are going to need some electricity.”

“Franklin, I’d like to remind you that if anything, or perhaps even something, goes sideways, that sister is going to be up in your shit, and not in a good way.”And I laughed at him.

“Yes, Michael, I am definitely afraid of that. You know your sister… she can be…”

I looked at him and said, “Franklin, be careful what you say here. She’s been my sister longer than you have existed.” I laughed some more.

“Fair enough, Michael, fair enough.” Franklin smiled, knowing how I felt towards him. See LSE1 for more of that.

“We must ensure that each setup is properly calibrated and get everything into place before we start. Your home is perfect for what we are doing.”

Robert walks over. “Michael, your home is the inspiration for this song. Not just you, Michael, but your home is the exact layout that I had in mind when I wrote this song.”

“Michael, I’ve been to your home many times, and I have loved every bit of it, because of its quirkiness, uniqueness, and the Michael factor.”

“Thank you, Robert, that is so lovely of you to say.”

“Puniverse, did you get that? Robert A Smith called the house having the Michael factor to it. OMG!!!”

Crickets.

“OK, so we are ready to go now.”

Room by room, Franklin and I go and listen to the tuning to determine how each instrument sounds.

We’re talking guitar, bass, drums, keyboard, and vocals. This was one of those few songs that Robert sang alone with no backing. He was the architect because it was very special to him and the band.

Franklin asked Megaton, “How do you feel about the setup, Megaton?”

“Franklin, I’m very happy with it. I’m so glad that I had the time to tune and set up the rig before we got here, knowing Robert A Smith knew Michael’s house inside and out.”

I wonder to myself, oh fuck, my neighbors are going to hate me. But, thankfully, it’s 11 AM.

Franklin says, “Sounds good. Let’s move over to Marvalious.”

He happened to be in a spot where his amp was in front of him, pointing away, with some satellites to his left and to his right. It was a three-point spot, and it was just so cool.

Franklin asks Arturius, “What are you thinking?”

Marvalious, I took a spot where I knew the sound would be. This is the perfect spot for bass, and…

“Michael, thank you again for inviting us into your home and allowing us to film a video. I know how you don’t like people in your home.”

And I cut him off, “Marvalious, y’all ain’t just people in my home, you’re my family and you’ll always be my family. You’re always welcome in my home, and when presented with this idea, I said, “I’m in.”

Marvalious smiled, turned to Franklin, and said,” I’m good. This is the right spot, and I have the right tune of my amp, and my bass is perfectly ready.

“Franklin, I don’t understand. How are you going to capture all of the spots at once?”

“Michael, I am going to set up a number of small GoPro-style cameras in each location to capture the boys, their actions, there… Them.”

“Sounds good, Franklin.”

We move on and come across Arturius. I look at him as a family member and somebody who worked for me.

He and his brother, Marvalious, worked for me for a number of years before I introduced the four of them.

Arturius, “What do you think?”

Franklin steps in, “Michael, that’s my line…”

“I’m sorry. Frankly, it is my house after all, and I thought…”

Franklin says, “That answer, I like it.” And he smiled.

“Franklin, please continue because I mean not to be rude and I mean not to do your job because that’s not within my purview.

Franklin says, “Exactly what he just said, Arturius, what are you feeling?

His answer was supposed to be thought of as typical of Arturius. He spoke very few words, and when he did speak, his words were always super succinct.

“Franklin, Michael, this is.”

And I knew what that meant. I looked at Franklin, and he nodded at me. We both turned back to Arturius, and it was not him.

I hugged Arturius, and he hugged me, which he knew was coming because he’d worked for me for so long.

I whispered to him, “Arturius, you are spectacular, and you know that Franklin, I, and the rest of the family absolutely love you.”

“I have since the first time we met during my onboarding. You are incredible.

“And I’m not talking about your technical musical skills, but as a human, you are absolutely incredible, my friend.”

Arturius nods at me and goes back to finishing his cord setup.

And it left us with one guy—just one guy. Franklin asks, “Robert, what do you think?”

“Franklin, Michael, my keyboard is set and ready to go.”

Franklin and I look at each other quickly, and Franklin responds, “Sounds good, Robert. You’re the architect, and you know what you’re doing. None of us has ever, ever doubted that.”

Robert smiled, nodded, and said, “I’m good to go.”

I turned to Franklin and I said, “Do you need any assistance in setting up cameras?”

Franklin says, “Nope. It will only take a moment or two.”

I walked into the kitchen to a spot where I was not in the way, but you can see that most of the action was not all there.

Franklin tells the boys, “We are two minutes from starting the recording. Does anybody need anything? Does anybody need to go to the bathroom?”

We bust out laughing together “I’m sorry, gents, it’s just so funny to say.”

Robert looks at him and chuckles. “Franklin, you’re such a dork. That’s why we love you, all of us… Us.”

And so, it was time for Franklin to count down from 10…

Franklin flips on the cameras, sets up throughout the space, and is ready to go. At five seconds, Franklin says “five, four, three…

And the music starts, and there is no going back on this one. Everybody does their job amazingly.

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So there you go folks, a raw version of LSE2, or The Second Book of LSE. We fully expect LSE2 to sell like hotcakes.

This is the first of two posts taken from the Second Book of LSE, aka LSE2. This is a continuation of LSE1, or The First Book of LSE.

Maybe enjoy? 🙂

——————
I remember this day as if it were today or yesterday. It was what set up and was perfect, and then also something.

I got a FaceTime from Misty, and she has a top on, which is awesome because, like, boundaries.

Uncle Michael, Robert, Megaton, and then Marvalious, Arturius, and well, I remember you saying something to me a long time ago, and then I wanted to ask if we could use it.

“Misty, you can’t call them ‘Cunt Fuckers’”. I started laughing, and she joined me because it was ridiculous.

Uncle Michael!!!

I want to use that title from when you had a band as a teenager—it was a week or two, if I recall correctly. Uncle Michael, I want to use low self-esteem as the band name.

Misty, why is there a specific problem with it? I’m just curious because it seems not fitting for a band that will be the greatest in the world.

Uncle Michael, you can’t possibly know that you never demonstrated seeing the future. But Uncle Michael, I think I would, she paused. May I please get your opinion on using that?

Then Robert has a special request. He’s talked with Franklin, my father, a number of times about the business, and then he suggested talking to me.

Well, Misty, I think it’s hysterical to use that name because then you have a name of LSE or low self-esteem, so you always have to say low self-esteem, you can use just the initials.

Uncle Michael, this is why you’re the smartest person in the family. Also, Uncle Michael, you’re the craziest person in the family.

Jessica walks in and she says, “Is everything OK? Sir, I miss you. You don’t call often. It’s typically Robert.”

Robert comes into the frame, and he is topless. And he says, “Michael.” I didn’t ask, but Misty thinks that’s the right name. Then, there was also a band conversation.

Michael, I want your opinion on this as a part of the band name. We don’t want to play a concert with people. We’re just going to play pay-per-view and stuff in different cities with no crowd, so that there’s no having to deal with mixing and then also people, because it seems fitting, Sir, your thoughts, Sir.

Robert, that’s fucking brilliant and said your thoughts Robert, the two of you are brilliant the name and then just not having to play in front of a whole bunch of people and doing it pay-per-view and hell you can charge your dollar you can charge $100 Once people know hell the second but I believe that you’re going to break things after that.

Robert says, “I think I heard Misty say you’re not known to see the future, and that’s one of the powers that you have.” So, I don’t know if you can say something.

I know the albums except the fourth album from other realities, and I know that when you start releasing music, you will blow up the world because your music has so many layers and styles.

I know because I’ve been at the studio that you guys have done country, Death metal, which I love, it’s funny, and you’ve done rock, just heavy metal, and paused. You guys have done it and it’s fucking amazing because every one of you is fucking amazing.

Who is Michael? There’s no way you can know any of that because we talked about it, just the four of us. How do you know?

Robert, I told you about some of the realities I’ve been in. You guys are further along; in reality, you aren’t that far. But you do, and I don’t, either. I don’t touch anything. I’m not involved in breaking shit or posting shit.

Well, that means Michael broke shit because you’re telling me, and then also because you’re not, and then he pauses.

Robert, I’m going to tell you straight up, you guys are going to be the greatest band in the history of music, and you do all kinds of different styles because you can, because you’re all that talented, and that’s why you break the planet.

Then there’s one song that you do that asked me to write the lyrics to, and let’s just say it’s so loving, and the song that all cross every reality, or you guys have a band, you guys ask me to write this song.

And every reality I tell you that you’re going to fucking do it as a death metal song except for at our wedding and wish you would’ve done it instrumental and that’s so fucking amazing that you guys recorded and you know you guys are so fucking talented and I’m sorry that I’m telling you things that I really shouldn’t carry

Misty has Uncle Michael, who is inappropriate and tells Robert how successful they will be. I know this because Uncle Michael has told me, and I remember that. But I’ve never asked you as much as I can remember about the name.

Misty, I would feel honored if the band used that name, and also, just pay-per-view. It’s ridiculous, but their talent is immeasurable.

Robert Misty, Jessica, y’all are so unbelievably talented that you can play all these types of music, and you guys love to people love hearing your music because it has emotion to it. After all, you guys are fucking amazing, and I’m going to stop.

Michael, I just want to verify that you said that we don’t play live except for pay-per-view no crowd heard it and I’m just going to verify that.

Keeping with the name and your guises’ personalities since I know every one of you, I believe that and the various realities I’ve been to, you guys don’t ever play in front of a crowd, a concert is free pay-per-view. There are many of those because you guys aren’t doing it to get rich, you’re doing it to help.

Michael, why would we pay for pay-per-view and not charge for it? I don’t understand.

Uncle Michael, that doesn’t seem to be what would be best for business.

It’s because I pay for the first two concerts that are free because I need you guys to be out there and I stopped. It’s none of my fucking business, but I give you guys the money to do it and some of that money that is from Marvalious and Arturius because the bonus I gave them where I split mine and I gave them $10,000 or so each and they can confirm it.

Marvel told me about that because I was so lovely, and he knew that I was for this. It’s also helped us get all the equipment we need, and I owe gratitude to both of them because, well, so does Megaton.

Robert, I want to ask you if you and Misty would FaceTime with the three of them because I want them to hear what I’ve been telling you. Otherwise, I’m going to be redundant.

And then Bam Arturius, he is topless, and his wife, Lexi, taps my number multiple times. And then Marvel and his wife, Foxy, are topless, and she taps even harder, and then Megaton. And he’s topless, and we both say he’s handsome.

He really has a lovely physique. Megaton, I gotta ask—no, it’s not even an ask—you look phenomenal. You just piss me off because, my goodness, my friend, I hope your wife bows to you as you bound her.

And Stacy walks in and there’s a collective holy fuck she’s beautiful, not as beautiful as my wife, and not saying that for the sake of Man, she had a breast that very closely rivals Jessica’s.

And Jessica just keeps tapping me over and over and over, and she says Stacy, I’ve told you this before, your breasts are fucking phenomenal, and know it, you guys got them pierced. Holy shit, they’re just amazing.

Says Jessica Michael, “Thank you for commenting about doing this because I’m having her walk around the house with me, a T-shirt, and the robe.”

Says icy, everybody here if you have sensitive and a good way that he really I love that you Michaelh me like that appropriately, Sir, and then also I love the fact that I love you and that you love me when I have to do jumping jacks. And you watch me, I watch you, and you know that nothing really moves. Everything is solid.

Stacy, you’re right, it is fucking amazing to watch because you are perfect. I could’ve asked for you, like Michael asked for Jessica, and you’re just pausing. It’s a very long pause and he says I don’t care if you have a butt plug or not I would like for you to put a shirt on just T-shirt and then come back in and start doing jumping jacks for me and I would appreciate that damn Gone back couple seconds and it’s not clear if she has a butt plug.

And every time I don’t care if she has a butt plug or not, she’s beautiful, and man, her body is perfect.

Will Jessica, yes, and then also know you can’t have sex with her and can’t make out with her at all. No, and I can’t, but Misty, can you call Larry or Hannah and add them to this call?

And she does, and they’re Larry toothless because he’s a dork, and then also I’m a dork, and then also Hannah walks in. Everybody just says Oh fuck because Hannah is fucking beautiful, modest, and just really, really perfect.

Larry comments, “How come over here?” because, oh well, it’s not clear. Then he pauses, “Since Michael, if this was just having a chance to look at my wife, well, OK, and you don’t have 1 million times, and it’s always an exchange, and then I don’t know what I’m saying.”

Larry, I’ve been on calls with y’all, but it’s hard to think. Seeing all these super models really fuck up my brain.

And Hannah says it’s OK when we finish here, we’re going to have sex for 10 hours, and we’re going to chloroform our daughter.

It always made me feel awesome that she had taken in when they were dating. She didn’t act like a stepmom; she was her mother, and Cora treated her like that.

OK, Misty. Why are you asking the original question? You know I’m going to push boundaries here, and if you want to take her shirt off, go ahead; I’m not going to complain.

I’m not going to say anything, and I’m not going to leave. I’m saying I don’t have, I shouldn’t be the one dictating that. Your mom, OK, I kind of have a bigger problem with that, but fucking just if you want to, damn, shirts off, and you hear it from everybody.

And it’s a long line of holy shit Fuck that she’s perfect. And really, she was a perfect arrival, Jessica, but Jessica was a 5 billion out of 10, and there was like 3 billion out of 10.

I miss you was right there, 3 billion out of 10, maybe four. I was a beautiful, beautiful woman, and I looked, and I just kind of looked away and stared at other things because holy fuck, she was well configured, and I didn’t know.

Uncle Michael, thank you for growing up and being a man. And then, also, Uncle Michael, yes, we got them pierced when Stacey did, and I can say it’s amazing, amazing, powerful.

And Uncle Michael, you won’t love this, but my mother also did. Because she caused her and Franklin fuck a lot there, and it’s awesome that they are, and also it freaks me out because I know this, and I don’t want to know it.

Well, I’m going to tell you something that I don’t want to know either, but I know you and Robert are very active. You know what? That’s awesome because.

Everybody, Robert and I were discussing the idea of a band name, and he indicated that he was open to suggestions. I used the name that Uncle Michael mentioned to me years ago as a very funny joke, and then I also suggested to Robert that they name the band Low Self-Esteem or LSE.

And then, on top of that, Uncle Michael said that perhaps they just play pay-per-view, and that would fit in. They have all kinds of different styles, and they are amazing.

I looked at the screen as Jessica and I stood there in the kitchen, our favorite anti-pads. Hands went up first, which was Marvalious, and he said, “I love it.” LSE, that is us. If my bandmates agree, then OK.

Megaton was next, and he said I’m in. I love it. I love the idea of just playing wherever we are and doing pay-per-view, and he suggested, I think I can hear Michael saying to me, not even a dollar free for a while to get out there.

I know and Arturius comments I’m in. And Larry says I have nothing to do with this, but it sounds like a fucking great idea Michael and also you and Misty and Robert and fuck the whole family are genius, brilliant people and as is my wife and sometimes I just want to say that I want to have sex with her for a five day straight.

I don’t care if it hurts my cock I just said, she’s so smart. He pauses, and he starts laughing. Oh, she was so smart. She leaves me, and he continues laughing, and she slaps his arm.

What else?

Well, Uncle Michael, you had offered something to this, and then you gave some details of things from other realities, and if you want to go ahead.

OK, Family. I have offered to finance the first free pay-per-view and would be interested in doing more. I want you guys to have the backing you would ask for or need, and I don’t want to have any input other than helping.

There’s more, I indicated to Robert and Misty, I know some stuff because of other realities, you guys are getting a late start, and I said, well fuck.

Y’all are the greatest men in the world, and you used all kinds of musical silence after the second album. You asked me to write a song for you guys, and eventually, you would’ve performed it acoustically at Jessica and my wedding and pressed it to vinyl. And generally speaking, you release digitally, like iTunes, or just press the final button for everything. Very smart.

You didn’t mention that part before, either. I love that idea, and if my bandmates want to do that down the road, I’m all in.

Marvalious, our all great and back to me. Chance,.

Gentlemen, I would ask the opinions of your respective wives because they’re very important in this equation. They’re going to be a part of it, and they’re the ones who support you lovingly.
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So there you go folks, a raw version of LSE2, or The Second Book of LSE. We fully expect LSE2 to sell like hotcakes.